he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
