I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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