He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
