You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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