im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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