Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
