i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
