yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
