The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
