I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
porn star boner night. come get it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
