who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
