exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
