He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
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i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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