I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
