Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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