Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
