can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
