When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
