i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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