when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
