I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
