Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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