Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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