Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
