Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
