he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
