47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
