ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
