its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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