I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
