Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
