Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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