She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
