I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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