Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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