at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
