Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
