The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
