WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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