Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
