At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
