i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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