I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
