Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
