why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
