Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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