Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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