I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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