so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
