Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
there is glitter all over my balls
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