I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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