she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
