first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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