I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
