We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
