my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
