Need sex. Gaining weight.
it hurts more in the daytime
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
