I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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