erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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