I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
