On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
