so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
