I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
