Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
