my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
