rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
