Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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