Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
