Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
