Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
