i was born a porn star she said
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
